Clouds of Gnats

I wish the gnats would share the road. I can't tell you how many I must have swallowed this morning on my run. It was obscene. I spend half the time with my head down and my eyes partially closed! This, my friends, is a safety hazard. Some day I'm going to get in an accident because of the damn gnats. Not cool at all, says I.

And sadly, all I could think about was how much pizza I ate at tech last night. I had done pretty well the whole day, food-wise. And then pizza appeared and I couldn't resist! It's funny...as long as I don't see it, I don't crave it or want it. But as soon as there is pizza in my general vicinity (and it's free), I'm all over that shit. Well I think because I've been eating so cleanly of late, that my body just went, "WTF?!?!?! Abort! Abort!" and thus I felt like shit the rest of the night.

I thought I pulled it together for rehearsal, but apparently I was wrong. Once again, not going into it, just feeling pretty shitty about it.

Back to the pie. I woke up for my run this morning feeling like I'd just gained back those six pounds I lost over the past two months. Worst. In dramatic fashion, I actually felt like I'd gained back EVERYTHING I'd lost. If you've ever tried to lose weight and had things like genetics and a history of poor eating habits dog your efforts, you know how I feel. Any slip-up is perceived as disastrous and ultimately the death knell of your progress. Of course, none of this is actually so, but we're our own worst enemies. Maybe the gnats were preying on my insecurities? How rude of them, and yet, how very perceptive too. So I'm trying to stop the slow descent into junk food land. In the past, I would have fallen off the wagon for, oh I don't know, a month? But now, I'm really trying to take to heart the fact that one out-of-control meal can't actually break me. So I jumped back on the wagon with a bowl of Grapenuts *insert Seinfeld reference* and a cup of tea. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.

Wish me luck...tonight is our preview and we open the show tomorrow!